Life's too short
by OTHiscool
Summary: AUish, set just before the LP kiss in 507. What if they had lost themselves in passion and depseration and just carried on going? What would the consequences and knock on effects be? Admittadley this is a rather poor summary, but please give the fic a try
1. Denial

Peyton sat at her desk flicking through some CD's, trying anything to get Lucas off her head. It was like moping about Lucas was her default setting these days. The argument they had had the previous night was still weighing heavy on her mind, even when though he had hurt her so much, she couldn't bear to fight with him. They had just had a minor argument because he refused to accept her payment check. She hated that he was constantly talking to her at the moment, but at the same time she loved the short moments they had together and cherished every second she got to spend with him. I can't be here anymore, she thought to herself. She had to move offices. It had been a mistake coming back to Tree Hill, just seeing him hurt too much, it was simply unbearable.

Suddenly the door flew open and Lucas stormed in, his face contorted with rage.

'You know what just rip up the check, I'm moving offices anyway' Peyton groaned, annoyed that he had felt the need to come and talk to her yet again.

'Let me ask you' He shouted furiously, 'do you have some sort of alarm that goes off inside you head every time I'm happy with someone else? What do you want from me? I fly to LA, I ask you to marry me, you say no so I'm done. Why haven't you?'

Peyton regarded him for a few moments, silently considering his question. There it was again! She had never said no to him, she had said someday! She opened her mouth to scream at him but nothing came out. She decided she did not feel up to shouting back at him right now, and instead quietly said 'because I should have said yes-'

Lucas was very surprised that she had said this; he had clearly been expecting a barrage of verbal abuse. He stood there speechless, just staring at her. God she looked so beautiful, her blonde curls still bounced majestically, and those green eyes he loved so much still shone gloriously. He was worried where her statement would go so immediately tried to cut her off. 'Peyton-' He started, holding his hand up, signalling for her to stop, he knew they were in dangerous grounds.

'Luke I was young, and I was scared' She interrupted, 'and I did not realise that by saying I wasn't ready, it would mean that we would never be together again. Had I known that I would have said yes'

'Peyton-' Lucas made another lame attempt to cut her off but in truth, he wanted to hear what she had to say, their break up had always been a mystery to him. He had never understood quite what had happened.

'No Luke! I miss you every day! I told everyone that I didn't come back for you but I did. Of course I did.' She said, before quietly adding. 'I still love you Lucas'.

She stared at him for a moment, he looked shell shocked, he clearly had not expected to hear any of this. Looking at him now she realised she hadn't really looked at him properly in years. She took a moment to glance at his icy blue eyes; they were utterly unique, frosty blue with white lightning bolts flashing across them. Her eyes trailed downwards to the upturned nose she loved so much and then on to his mouth. Her eyes lingered on his lips. Without really knowing she was doing it, she slowly leaned in before grabbing him and pulling him in for a kiss. However she soon realised what she had done and quickly pulled away. Lucas regarded her for a minute, not really sure what had just 

happened. All he knew was that he wanted to kiss her. God he wanted to kiss her. Within moments his lips came crashing down on hers. She pulled away smiling.

'You still love me. Don't you?' She whispered.

Lucas stared at her, but did not answer her question. He seemed deep in thought, his eyes never leaving hers. Without warning he shoved her against a wall and brought his lips to hers, kissing her passionately. She resisted at first, she knew it was wrong. But in truth she wanted this more than anything and stopped struggling in no time at all. Soon her body melted into his and she began kissing him back. He pulled away briefly and opened his mouth to say something; however Peyton dismissed whatever he had to say by snaking her arms around his neck and kissed him so fiercely that Lucas tasted blood from her lip. He did not seem to mind that she had cut him off and returned the kiss with more passion, and moved his hand to cup her breast. He gently brushed his tongue against her lips, requesting entrance, which after a few moments of teasing, she granted. He was soon exploring her mouth and before long she did the same. Their lips became entwined, only parting when air became a necessity. He then started trailing kisses along her jaw line and onto her neck before sucking at her pulse point just below her ear lobe, eliciting sever satisfied moans from her. God she had missed him, only he could make her feel like this. Of course, she had tried dating other guys but it just wasn't the same. There was only one Lucas Scott. She wrapped her long legs around his waist, feeling his pulsing erection harden on her leg. She began tugging on his shirt, pulling at his pants. He saw her struggling and quickly helped her loose his pants; she then started toying with the rim of his boxers. She pulled away briefly and looked into his eyes, a thousand words were spoken in that silence, and they both knew it. Lucas briefly thought of a fitting quote from a book he had read '_true lovers don't need to tell each other that they are in love, they know they are'. _They looked at each other a second longer before their lips crashed together for another passionate kiss, she stripped him of his boxers and he pulled her skirt up before ripping off her silky thong.

'I want you Peyton, I want you right now' Lucas whispered in her ear, before tracing a line of kisses down her neck.

'Take me...now' she gasped, biting her lip at the sight of him and within seconds her whole body shuddered as they crashed together. She savoured the moment, it was the most alive she had felt in years. In this moment it was like her whole universe was snapping back into focus, like she was finally waking up after a very long sleep.

...

'Where's Luke? Are we driving him and Lindsey home?' Nathan asked his wife curiously.

'Erm, I think Lindsey took off without him actually, she seemed pissed at him about something' Haley replied vaguely.

'Oh' Nathan said, quite surprised, 'well where is he then?' He asked again.

'You know what, I don't know. I think I saw him go into Peyton's office about five minutes ago, I'll go check and see if he wants a lift' She answered.

'Ok sure, I'll wait in the car' Nathan murmured, before making for the exit.

Haley walked slowly over to Peyton's office, the lyrics of Far More by The Honorary Title still fresh in her mind, suddenly she heard a bizarre groaning noise. She thought nothing of it before she hear d it again seconds later, she then realised it was coming from Peyton's office. Curiously she made her way to the door and looked into the large room. She smirked in amusement; Peyton was propped up against a wall by a seemingly handsome blonde haired man and seemed to be having rather a good time. 'Good for her' Haley thought to herself, it had been killing her watching Peyton's heart break again and again, it was time she moved on from Lucas. Beaming at her friend she turned away, before stealing another quick glance, cringing with embarrassment when Peyton started groaning again.

'Oh fuck, that feels so good; yeah right there, oh Luke!'

Had she just said Luke? Haley looked a bit closer, and as Peyton started pulling off this man's shirt she noticed a tattoo on the man's right shoulder, in the shape of a Chinese symbol. Lucas. Haley's insides burned with anger, she could not believe what she was seeing. What was Lucas thinking? How could he possibly do that to Lindsey? And who did Peyton think she was? She had turned Lucas down, she had broken his heart. At this moment her heart broke for Lindsey, and felt a sickening feeling in her stomach. She turned her back on them, her face contorted with fury. Haley had always despised infidelity, it made her furious, and it was the second time she had walked in on her best friend doing something of this nature. That was two times too many in Haley's opinion.

...

It was all over in very soon; Lucas quickly pulled out of her and put on his clothes. He briefly thought about what had happened in the last five minutes before glancing over at Peyton who was now fixing her skirt and adjusting her bra, she was still breathing very heavily. She slowly looked up at him, her face a picture of happiness.

'I meant it Luke, I still love you much... you still love me too. Don't you?' She looked into his eyes, she already knew the answer, she just needed to hear it from him. She had been waiting so long to hear those three words, she had dreamt about it for what now seemed like forever.

Lucas looked at her long and hard, the words were at the tip of his tongue, and he desperately wanted to tell her how he felt. He opened his mouth to speak before an old doubt crossed his mind, this was the girl that had hurt him so badly, this was the only woman who had ever been able to truly break him. Why would he want to be with her when he was in a loving relationship with Lindsey? Lindsey! What if she found out about this? How had he been so stupid, she would never forgive him for this! Everything had gone wrong. Everything had gone horrible wrong. He briefly tired to remember when times had been simple, when things had made sense. 'When Peyton wasn't here' a small voice from the back of his head said. The voice was right. It was all Peyton's fault! She had ruined everything! His mind processed all these thoughts before his face broke into a murderous glare.

'I hate you' He spat at her, his voice full of contempt. 'You've ruined my life. I wish you never came back.' He said before storming off. He knew it wasn't really true, but he just couldn't come to terms with loving Peyton again, it was so much easier to hate her and blame her for what had gone wrong in his life. He couldn't bear to look back at her, he had briefly looked at her again and the despair in her eyes broke his heart, the sound of her crying was like a knife to him, he had to get away from her.

He slammed the door for good measure, leaving her alone.


	2. Confrontation

**A/N: Hi guys! So glad you enjoyed the first chapter, in truth I hadn't really thought anyone would read it in truth, let alone enjoy it and comment on it. So I hadn't really planned an update! Well I felt inspired by the great comments that I got (thanks btw to everyone who reviewed, I loved reading them) so started writing this almost immediately...sorry if it sucks lol!**

**I know you all think Lucas was a complete prick, I agree, it was kind of a reflection of how much of a jerk he was in season 5. But also, I wanted something that would take you by surprise; do something unexpected... hope I succeeded? I mean come on, who says something like that after immense LP sex?! Don't worry though guys, he will redeem himself!**

**Anyhow, hope you like the update. Please review... and please let me know if it sucks hardcore... I can take it...honest! It will only help my improvement.**

**PS To anyone who actually read this long ass A/N...sorry for rambling **

It was the early hours of morning. Peyton couldn't get to sleep; she just sat there alone in the dark, her room silent as a grave yard. She really was the picture of a broken woman, and she currently sort of gave off an aura of misery and sadness. She barely slept anymore; at least she hadn't in a while, consequently she had huge, dark ugly bags under her eyes. Her eyes themselves were very puffy and bloodshot from constantly crying, she did a lot of crying these days, in fact, after her run in with Lucas at TRIC she had done little else. She could still hear his words ringing in her ears, each word like a dagger to her already fragile heart. She kept replaying the tragic moment over and over again in her head; the contemptuous look he had given her had been haunting her ever since, slowly breaking her.

That had been little under a week ago now and she had yet to face him again. And although she had barely been outside and had not yet had the chance to see him, she got the feeling that he was avoiding her, which in truth she was very happy about. Seeing him would just bring it all back, it would hurt too much. She was sure that he had not yet told Lindsey about what had happened and in truth he was probably never going to. Instead he would just grow old with her and live happily ever after with her. The son of a bitch she thought to herself, she really couldn't understand why she loved him so much. The thought of him with Lindsey made her feel physically sick. At times she felt like going over to their house and telling Lindsey exactly what had happened and then watch triumphantly as Lucas's heart broke in front of her, it would serve that prick right she thought maliciously to herself. But in truth Peyton really couldn't bring herself to hurt him, no matter what he did to her. Additionally, she was reluctant to play the home wrecker yet again, although it was obviously too late for that. She decided that if Luke wasn't going to tell Lindsey then she would just leave it. Just leave them to get married and have children, the marriage and children that should have been hers she thought bitterly to herself. She sighed, she had been so sure after they had had that amazing sex that they would finally tell each other how they felt and get back together, she had been absolutely certain. She had been so certain for about a minute and a half, that moment of bliss however had been cruelly shattered by Lucas's spiteful words. God it hurt. She still couldn't get her head around being so deliriously happy one minute and then more miserable than she had ever been in her life the next. How had she let him have so much power of over? He practically decided when she was happy or sad, how was that fair? She was just his mistake, nothing more, at the thought of this she once again broke down in tears. She cursed him again and again, she had kept promising herself that she would move on and leave that bastard behind but it was no use and she 

knew it. She loved him, she knew she loved him and as much as she hated it, she knew she would love him forever.

Peyton was still yet to tell anyone about what had happened that night, she had simply barricaded herself in her room, encasing herself in those four walls like a tomb. She had obviously come out a couple of times when she had really had to, but she wouldn't tell anyone what had happened. Brooke had tried talking to her but after all she received was a few one word answers she figured that when Peyton was ready, she would talk. One thing was for sure though Brooke thought to herself; it had something to do with Lucas.

Peyton looked out the window, it was definitely getting lighter. She would have to go to work today; she couldn't hide from the world forever. Brooke wasn't up yet; she quickly had a small breakfast before creeping out of the house, careful not to wake Brooke as she did so.

...

Haley woke up, had her breakfast and left the house for work. The events she had witnessed at TRIC were still weighing heavily on her mind; she had yet to talk either of them about what had happened so far. In fact she hadn't even seen Peyton since that night. Hoping that Peyton was ok and making a mental note to go check on her some time later, Haley made her way to Lucas's office. She had decided to confront him about it. Of course, she had confided in Nathan. He however had strongly encouraged her to keep quiet.

'Look' He had said. 'If Lucas is cheating on Lindsey, he needs to be man enough to tell her himself'. She could see where Nathan was coming from, but she had to talk to him about it, he was her best friend, there had been a time when they could tell each other everything. And though that had admittedly been a long time ago, she hoped that that trust that had once existed between them was still there.

...

Lucas sat at his desk pretending to read over some statistics from the previous week's game. He had been feeling so shitty about what he had done to Peyton, he had thought of very little else since that night. The guilt was eating him up; he had not seen her yet. He wondered briefly if she had told anyone. Although he had not yet had Brooke come over and punch him in the face and give him a bollocking and as Brooke was likely the first person she would tell, he assumed that she had not yet told anyone. He was thankful for this, he was desperate for Lindsey not to find out, she would leave him for sure, and he could not take that. Lindsey had become such a major constant in his life over the last three years that he couldn't really imagine his life without her anymore. Lindsey! In all this, he was losing her and he knew it, he knew she was still pissed at him, what could he do to make it up to her? He really loved her, he was sure he did. He just needed to do something to prove it, make a gesture, something like that. Lucas briefly summed up his options; he could take her on a romantic weekend someplace? Lucas grimaced, that was far too predictable and not really a strong enough gesture. Then something hit him. He loved this woman; he wanted to be with this woman. What if he proposed? Nothing said I love you like a proposal and currently as their relationship was on the rocks it was the last thing she would expect. He smiled at his own brilliance, he would propose, why had he not thought of that before? Before he was going to announce any engagement though, he 

really would have to apologize to Peyton, it had been cruel of him to lead her on like that and he was feeling horrible about it. He still cared about Peyton, he knew he did, there had been a time when they had been really great friends. He really missed having her as a friend. But love her? That was ridiculous, how could she say no to his proposal and then still expect him to love her four years later? The idea was simply absurd in Lucas's opinion. As he chuckled to himself about the bizarre notion Haley knocked on his door.

'Hey' Haley mumbled from the door, noting a large grin on Lucas's face.

'Hey Hales, what's up?' Lucas asked, slightly concerned about the cryptic tone she had spoken to him with.

'I...I really need to talk to you about something' She murmured, a stony expression on her face.

'Oh, ok well make it quick! I've just made a huge decision and I can't wait to tell my best friend about it!' Lucas squealed with excitement.

Haley considered this for a moment, could he be talking about what she hoped he was? Was there a chance he was going to get back with Peyton?

'Oh, erm you go first Luke it's cool'

He did not need telling twice, his face lit up. 'I'm going to propose to Lindsey!'

Haley's heart sank. How could he do this? She knew Lucas and he was better than this. She simply could not let this go through.

'I know Lucas'

'Huh? What are you talking about?'

'I know what happened between you and Peyton the other night' Haley whispered, her voice had been barely audible but he had heard it, he had heard every word. The blood drained from his face, the boyish grin had vanished, the jubilation faded.

'Wh..wha...what are you talking about Haley?' Lucas lamely tried to feign ignorance, but he knew what she was talking about and they both knew he knew it.

'Cut the shit Luke, I know you had sex with her in TRIC' Haley bellowed at him.

'Did she tell you?' Lucas demanded, a murderous expression on his face.

'No, I saw you both at it in her office the night of that concert! Which is a really jackass move considering you have a girl friend named Lindsey! A girl friend that you now want to propose to!'

'Yo...you saw all of it?' Lucas asked nervously.

'Just the end' Haley replied venomously, she wasn't really sure what stage they had been in when she walked in, but that was beside the point. It didn't matter what stage they had been in, what mattered was that he had been caught. She looked over at Lucas, his facial expression had seemingly 

become very desperate, he was clearly not quite sure what to say. That was always a bad sign for a writer.

'Just spit it out Luke, you've got explaining to do'

'I...I didn't mean it, I didn't mean any of it. Of course I didn't, it's Peyton, how could I hate her?' He cried, if he hadn't seemed so sad and desperate he really would have looked pretty pathetic right now.

'You told her you hated her?' Haley questioned, a satanic tone in her voice.

'Well yeah, you said you saw the end right?'

'You asshole! How could you have done that to her! You horrible son of a bitch! She is in love with you. You probably broke her heart!' It was rare to see Haley shout, especially at Lucas, but she was feeling particularly angry with her best friend right now. 'The Lucas Scott I know is better than this!' She continued in a manner that made her anger very apparent.

'I know Haley! I know. I fucked up, we both just got carried away, she's not really in love with me, it's been four years Haley. She's just a little confused. I thought if I could apologize to her, make things right with her then I could propose to Lindsey' He argued timidly.

'Maybe you're the one that's a little confused, you and Peyton are made for each other Luke, you know that, you guys were so in love. Don't you remember? You've written a whole bloody book about it for fucks sake'

'That was all a long time ago Haley, I'm with Lindsey now, I love Lindsey. I want to marry her. Peyton is just an ex-girlfriend and probably an ex-friend I expect now as of the other night'

'You Jackass! So how many of your friends do you have sex with then? Luke cut the bull! Peyton is not just another ex-girlfriend and you know that as well as any of us!' She shouted at him, he seemed very taken aback, as if he wasn't quite sure what was happening.

'I love Lindsey Haley. I do' He said, more trying to persuade himself than anyone else. Haley rolled her eyes.

'I'm being honest with you Lucas. You need to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you want. If Peyton is the one you want then great, just apologize to her and you will realise just about every dream you've had since you were eleven fucking years old! If Lindsey really is the one then that's great too, but you still have to apologize to Peyton and you have to tell Lindsey what happened at TRIC the other night, if you don't, I will. It's really hurting me to see you like this Luke, just figure out what you want'

Lucas sat at his desk, trying desperately to think of something to say. But he realised it was no use; he would have to tell Lindsey what had happened. 'Your right' he sighed. 'Of course you are, I know I have to tell her really. I can't lose her though Hales. I can't'

Haley gave him a sort of _you got yourself into this mess you get yourself out of it _face. She looked at him for a second. 'I'm really sorry Luke, but you should have thought about that before you had sex with Peyton'

Lucas cringed at the bluntness of this statement, but knew she was right. 'Ok. I'll tell her later. Just please let me do it, she really should hear it from me'

Haley considered this for a second; it was of course only right that Lindsey heard it from Lucas. 'Ok, sure. But promise me you will apologize to Peyton as well, she really must be hurting Luke'

Lucas sighed once more. 'Ok' He breathed, 'I promise'.

...

Haley went into Clothes over Bros and up to the roof. She went over to the far corner and gingerly fingered the wall, searching for a loose brick. She found it and quickly pulled it out. Inside was an old tin box, a tin box that she and Lucas had first hidden behind that brick over ten years ago now. As she slowly opened it she felt a pang of guilt, she felt she was betraying her very best friend in the world. But it was highly likely that Peyton would need consoling, and Haley had a feeling some of the contents of this box would make her feel a bit better. Taking a few pieces of paper that had Lucas's familiar spidery writing on, she replaced the small tin box in the crevice n the wall and put the brick back exactly how it had been. She then turned around and went back to her car.

...

Haley walked into TRIC, hoping to find Peyton there; of course if she wasn't there she would just have to look at Brooke's house. It was unlikely she would be anywhere else in truth. As she rounded a corner, the leggy blonde was sat on the pool table. Haley gasped. She was almost unrecognisable, it almost looked like she had had no sleep at all for months, her eyes were lidded with heavy, purplish bags. She seemed to have been crying for a very long time, in fact, Haley was fairly certain she had been crying just moments ago. It seemed colder in her office and somewhat darker, almost like she was emitting misery and depression, like she was sucking the happiness and warmth out of the room. Haley made a sort of coughing noise, Peyton quickly looked up.

'Hey Haley' She smiled weakly.

'Peyton!' She rushed over to hug her friend. 'I'm so sorry Peyton'

'Hmm? What are you talking about?' Peyton asked curiously. She hadn't told anyone, had Lucas actually told Haley?

'I know about what happened between you and Luke' She said in a very motherly and understanding tone. Peyton smiled, it was vintage Haley.

'Oh. You do? Did he tell you?'

'Well he told me bits of it, but only because I sort of walked in on you and confronted him about it'

Peyton seemed very embarrassed. 'Oh. Right' this sparked a sort of awkward silence between the two friends. Haley broke the ice after a few minutes.

'Anyway, I know my words probably won't help too much, but I know someone's who might. Lucas and I used to write predictions every year before the school year started. Sort of what we hoped would happen' Haley explained, taking a few sheets of paper form her purse.

'Lame' Peyton chuckled slightly.

'You know you're jealous!' Haley joked.

'Kinda' smiled Peyton.

'Anyway im gona violate my friendship rule because you are at like code red! Peyton Sawyer will become Peyton Scott, that was like eighth grade.' Haley read. God thought Peyton, how she wished she was Peyton Scott, why had she had to say someday? Why had her life had to turn out like this she questioned miserably.

'He got a little cocky sophomore year, make out with Peyton Sawyer or more!' Continued Hayley. Peyton smiled weakly, Hayley could tell she was not making much difference.

'Come on Peyton, this is how much he doesn't hate you! It's a whole lifetimes worth!'

'I know' She sighed. 'That's what he writes, but what he says is a whole different story' Peyton replied sadly.

'Sometimes people write the things they can't say' said Haley.

'Yeah I guess' Peyton said.

'Thanks Haley. You really are a good friend. I just... I love him so much Haley, I don't think I ever really meant anything to him you know. He meant everything to me, he still does. Love isn't supposed to be this hard. At least it shouldn't be'

'He will come around Peyton. He really does love you; he just needs time to remember. You know he used to talk about you all the time when me and him were younger, he used to pine for you the whole time I knew him before we met you, he will remember that before long'.

'I'm not so sure' She whispered sadly. 'But thanks for cheering me up. I really appreciate it.' She paused for a moment, deep in thought. 'Hey er I'm going to go do something. I'll maybe catch you later'

'Ok. Bye.' Haley said as Peyton left, Haley briefly wondered what it was Peyton had to rush off to do, but she figured she would probably find out soon enough. Hoping that Lucas would tell Lindsey what had happened, she got back into her car and drove back to school. It had been quite an eventful day so far she thought to herself. What she didn't know, was that it was about to get even more eventful.

**A/N: Yeah! Another author's note! Well I wasn't over the moon about this chapter it's not great, but it was necessary to get this boring stuff out of the way before the real drama starts. It was in fact meant to be two chapters but I sort of carried on writing and didn't stop. Ah well. Hope you enjoyed it, update speed will depend on how well this chapter was received, but will most likely be up in a few days.**

**I'm writing another fic soon, possibly update later, it's AU, Lucas stays in Charleston with Keith and never comes back. He then meets the rest of the gang 2 years later at college, another LP one. Anyone like the sound of it?**


	3. Realisation

**A/N: Again I'd like to thank everyone for their encouraging reviews, I really enjoyed reading them. I've decided I'd like to get this fic done ASAP; I started it far too late I think. So as a consequence it won't be a 30 chapter epic lol, I think I will probably aim for around 7 or 8 chapters, possibly less.**

Lucas let out a moan of frustration. Lindsey would never forgive him for this, she was already so insecure about his past with Peyton. What had he been thinking? This would surely drive her away for good.

Lucas cursed himself, why did things like this always happen around Peyton? It was almost like he lost all sense of right and wrong when around her, like he lost all control. _Well done Luke_, he silently berated himself. _You fucked up again, why the fuck can't you ever just control yourself around her? AND WHY THE FUCK IS IT ALWAYS HER?! _That was something that really pissed him off. It was always Peyton. It was always her that put him in these situations.

Now he had to tell Lindsey. What if I don't tell her? He questioned silently, he could make it up to her somehow. Yes, when he thought about it, Lindsey really didn't have to know.

He sighed. He knew Haley was right, he had to tell Lindsey. But he had to come up with the right words; he had to play this right. Losing Lindsey was simply not an option.

Lucas fiercely screwed up a piece of paper and chucked it around the room angrily, making sure to scream in aggravation as he did so. The scrunched up piece of paper fell to the floor, the floor that was already littered with similar scrunched up pieces of paper. That really never was a good sign in a writer's office.

He groaned. Nothing. He genuinely had nothing! He was a writer for fuck's sake, he had to have something! He racked the far corners of his brain for something, some sort of beautiful poetic statement that would brush it all under the carpet.

He sighed again. There was simply nothing there.

But there had to be something. He thought desperately to himself. Something nobody had ever said. Something that would just make it all go away, some miraculously woven sentence that would just make everything ok.

He roared with rage. He was screwed. Nothing would make this ok, he was completely fucked. He was utterly clueless, it was like his career as a writer had never happened; it was like no words had ever been written.

He threw one last desperate glance around the room, hoping to find some inspiration, some sort of stimulant, something to show him what to do.

He smiled. His eyes rested on the basket ball that lay on one of his shelves.

...

Lucas walked over to his beloved River Court, bouncing his ball as went.

Fairly disappointed that he hadn't run into Skills or anyone else, he walked up to the court and flicked on the lights, noticing something on the court as he did so.

He knew who had done it as soon as he saw it, before he had even read the name. There was simply no one else it could have been.

Masterfully painted on the face of the River Court was a drawing of a comet, written above it were the lyrics of Love Song by The Cure. The lyrics concluded with the words _I will always love you – Peyton. _For just a brief fleeting second after he read her message, Lucas's face betrayed the sort of emotion that can only really be interpreted as a smile. Just a slight smile, but a smile none the less.

Reading these moving words over and over again seemed to almost wake him up, like each word she had written was punching him in the face, begging him to see clearly again for just a minute.

It suddenly hit him. He had really hurt her; he had probably broken her heart. Again.

A horrible rush of guilt washed over him. When he thought about it, he had never meant to hurt her. Not really. Mostly hurting Peyton occurred as an unfortunate consequence of the constant conflict within him, the battle between what his heart craved and what he felt he should have. Sadly whenever his head came out on top, Peyton more often than not was left heartbroken.

He stood rooted to the same spot for well over half an hour, deep in thought. He let out a sigh. It was her. It was always going to be her.

In truth he had always known it, but unfortunately that had never stopped him from running from it. It was time to stop running, he said to himself. Time to grow the fuck up and give his heart what it wanted, what it had always wanted.

As this long overdue realisation finally occurred to him, he read her words again and was reminded of a fond memory from a fonder tome, a simpler time. **(I'm not entirely sure that **_**fonder **_**is a word but hey, if it isn't Shakespeare made up his own words so i can too :D)**

'Her art matters' He said aloud, letting the memory unravel in his head. It was true. Her art mattered to him; it had always had. It had always been a source of inspiration to him, a source of strength. It had also helped him see clearly on more than one occasion, as well as help him to fight back when times were dark.

But her art had never mattered more than in this moment. He glanced at the name written on the court one last time and smiled. Lucas Scott finally knew what he wanted.

As he realised this he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He pulled it out an answered it, noting that Lindsey was calling him.

'Lindsey. Hi.' He started, unsure what to say.

'We need to talk' She said in a very austere manner.

'Yeah' He agreed. 'Yeah we do. I'll be home soon'

...

Lucas sluggishly made his way back home, trying desperately to piece together the words to say to Lindsey. How did he tell the woman he had been dating for two years that he was still in love with his ex? His ex that he hadn't even been dating for four years!

As he got to the door and was still struggling to work out how to tell her, he decided to improvise, although there wasn't really any alternative in truth.

He reached out to grasp the door handle and slowly turned it, revealing Lindsey standing right in front of him.

'Lindsey!' He yelped, trying to cover up his shock.

'Hello Lucas'

'Hi' He smiled weakly.

Once they had made their way through to the sitting room, Lindsey started talking again.

'Look Luke I know we've struggled a bit lately, but I think we can move past it all. I want us too.' She said smiling at him. _Oh shit_, Lucas thought to himself. _This is going to be awkward ._He cut her off when opened her mouth to speak again using a series of frantic hand gestures. He didn't want this to be any more difficult than it had to be.

'Lindsey I don't think we can' He said quietly.

'what? Why?' She asked, a shocked expression on her face.

'I need to tell you something' He said, quieter still this time.

'Tell me what?' She questioned, a menacing look in her eye, almost as if she knew what he was trying to tell her.

'Ilvptn' He mumbled, not daring to look her in the eye.

'What?' She demanded fiercely, although in truth she was pretty sure she knew what he had said. But she wanted to prolong his announcement, remain blissfully ignorant of what he was about to tell her for just one more second.

'I... I love Peyton' He murmured, looking down at his feet. Lindsey remained quiet for what seemed like hours to Lucas, he risked a quick glance at her but immediately regretted it. She looked absolutely distraught; he could see her eyes glistening with tears.

'I'm sorry Lindsey. I am' He started, unsure what to say to her. She stared at him blankly for a moment longer before turning away from him and walking away.

'Wait' He gulped, knowing full well how this one was going to go down. 'There's more.' She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around so that she was facing him.

'What now Lucas' She whimpered tearfully.

'The other night at TRIC' He started, 'the Honorary Title gig. Remember?' She nodded, gesturing form him to continue, although not really wanting to hear it. 'Well... I err... I... I had sex with Peyton' He concluded, a single tear sliding down his face. 'I'm so sorry'

He wasn't really sure how it happened, it all happened so fast, but strangely enough at the same time it all seemed like it was happening in slow motion. All he saw was Lindsey's fist flying towards his face, landing the ferocious punch right below his eye. Once she had thrown the punch no more words were said, no more tears were shed. She went to their room, piled some clothes into a bag and practically ran out of the house.

...

He felt bad that he had hurt Lindsey. But he had had to do it. It would have been wrong to lead her on any longer.

He would always be fond of her; in fact he would always love her. But the difference was he would never be _in_ love with her. There was only ever going to be one woman he would truly love.

It all seemed so simple now. Peyton was the only one he had ever really wanted. His heart had been set on her from the moment he had first seen her. He cursed himself. Why had he always tried to hide from her? He wandered briefly how many happy memories he had missed out on by being so fucking stubborn. There was no need to miss out anymore, he said firmly to himself. He had to make things right with Peyton.

Realising that he still hadn't apologized for their fiasco at TRIC, he realised he had to see her as soon as possible. He had to tell her. But how could he tell her that he still loved her after treating her so badly for so long? It didn't matter he thought strongly to himself, he had fucked it up, he would have to sort it out. He had to set this straight.

He quickly got into his Mustang and raced to TRIC, noticing that a huge black eye had appeared where Lindsey had hit him when he looked at the rear view mirror.

'Fuck that swelled up fast.' He lamented, gingerly fingering the ugly bruise beneath his eye before speeding off down the road.

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that her light was still on. Although in truth it wasn't all that surprising considering how hard she worked. He slowly walked in; she was in the middle of a phone call when she saw him.

'Hey I gotta go. Bye.' She called down her phone before turning it off and putting it on her desk, completely ignoring the fact that the love of her life had just walked into the room. Lucas broke the silence.

'I don't hate you' he whispered just loud enough for her to hear. She looked at him; Lucas's heart broke, her miserable demeanour truly made her the picture of a broken woman.

He was completely shocked; the Peyton he had known had taken a beating but had always been resilient enough to fight back. The woman in front of him seemed to have completely given up, her beautiful green eyes so tragically full of pain and misery; it killed him to see her like this. This feeling of regret was made doubly worse by the fact that he realised her unhappiness was all down to him.

He smiled nervously, 'I remember the first time I ever saw you. Little skinny arms and your tangled mess of hair, It was hard letting you go Peyton' He was cursed himself silently for lying again, he couldn't help it, he couldn't tell her. He was so frightened of getting close to her again.

'It was hard losing you' he continued, well at least that much was true, he thought consolingly to himself.

'And it was hard seeing you again.' He breathed, his eyes never leaving hers. 'It still is. Really hard'

'I know' she whispered back tearfully. She smiled at him, she really couldn't believe she loved him so much, even now she loved him with all her heart.

'When I'm asleep I have this dream, where were back in that hotel room in LA. And you propose to me. And every single time I say yes.' She argued, looking at him longingly, silently begging him to make her dream a reality.

'It's just a dream right?' He asked her.

'It's my dream' she whispered back in response. He stared at her; he wanted to tell her how he felt so much. But he couldn't. He couldn't allow himself to get close to her again; he could not allow himself to get hurt again.

'I should go' he said. As he walked past her he saw a tear trickling down her face that she quickly wiped away. He could not stand seeing her like this. It was slowly killing him inside. He began to make for the door when he heard Hayley's voice echo through his head.

'Stop hiding your heart!' She was right. He had to tell her. Even if she could never trust him again, Lucas had to tell Peyton how he felt. He turned on the spot and walked back up to her.

Peyton looked at him puzzled, not sure why he was still there. She opened her mouth to talk to him, he cut her off.

'I'm so sorry Peyton'

'For what?' She questioned, eyeing him suspiciously.

'About TRIC, It was entirely my fault, I got caught up with the moment and it was wrong of me. I'm just so sorry.'

'Well I didn't exactly push you away so... it was kind of my fau-'

'It was entirely my fault' He repeated firmly, she nodded nervously in acceptance. 'I er told Lindsey'

'Hence the black eye?' she asked with amusement.

'Yeah' He chuckled weakly, failing to see the funny side.

'So what happened?' She asked eagerly; glad to be talking about something other than her complicated relationship with Lucas.

'We're done' He said, a serene look on his face. Her heart leapt. A silence followed this, neither of them wanting to talk first.

'You were right' He said after a while.

'Huh' she questioned, a puzzled expression on her face.

'You were right' He repeated. 'It was my fault that we finished.' She looked at him wide eyed. 'I'm so sorry that you had to wake up alone. I just couldn't be around you without my heart breaking.'

'Luke-' She started.

'Peyton please let me finish' He pleaded.

She nodded and gestured for him to continue.

'You were right. I did partly propose out of insecurity. We were drifting apart, I saw you slipping away. I was scared of losing you. I guess I was partly trying to recreate who we had been in senior year.' He paused for breath. 'But you have to know. I genuinely wanted that marriage, and I guess I thought you did too'

'Luke I did, I just wasn't-'

'You weren't ready' He smiled, 'I know that now, it just felt like a rejection, I'd pictured you saying yes without having to think twice. I was so sure you would say yes Peyton, I never dreamt you wouldn't'

'I'm so sorry Luke'

He smiled, 'don't be, it was a long time ago'. He turned his back on her and began pretending to look at some of her posters, planning what he was going to say to her next.

'Luke' Peyton said nervously.

'Yeah?' He replied, still pretending to glance over her posters.

'Haley said something to me today'

'Ok...um what did she say?'

'She said you still love me.' She said awkwardly, she knew it would make things uncomfortable but she had to know the truth.

Lucas smiled. 'She said that huh?' Everyone had known but him.

'Yeah kinda, I'm sorry Luke. I know it's not true. I just have to hear it from you, so that I can finally move on.' She whispered miserably. He turned around and looked at her, staring into her amazing green eyes, they were brimming with tears. He went up close to her, he could hear her breathing, he could hear her heart beating.

'Do you remember what I wrote in your yearbook senior year?' He asked her.

She nodded and recited what he had written in her book four years ago. 'Peyton, no matter what I will always love you. 'She smiled; she must have read that entry a million times.

He nodded 'always' he said. 'Of course I still love you Peyton'. Her eyes widened in shock.

'What are you-' She started.

'I never stopped loving you; I've been in love with you since I was twelve.' He assured her, before quoting himself, 'I was now, I would always be, in love with Peyton Sawyer'.

'I don't understand' She shouted, tears streaming down her face, she could not bear to face him, she could not look into his eyes. She had waited three years to hear him say those words. But now she'd heard them she didn't know what to think, she didn't know what to say.

'But, Lindsey?' Peyton started 'you love her! Don't you?'

Lucas smiled. 'Yes in a way. I love her like I love Brooke. I was and am still very fond of her, she helped me in the dark days after we broke up and for that I will always be grateful to her for that. She was the perfect girlfriend Peyton, she was safe and she gave me stability. But she realised that that was not enough, because she was not you. Losing you had left a hole in my heart, a hole only you could fill.' Peyton could not believe what she was hearing; tears and mascara were running down her face. She had wanted this for so long, but now she had it she wasn't quite sure what to do with it. She wanted to jump into his arms, but part of her wanted to inflict the same pain he had given her.

'But why did you tell me you hated me? That hurt Luke. That hurt so bad' She cried, fresh tears streaming down her face.

He sighed; he had known he would have to answer that question. 'I guess it was just because it was so much easier to convince myself that I hate you than to come to terms with still being in love with you. In all honesty I don't really know. It was just a stupid thing to do. I'm so sorry'

Another silence followed after this, she sat with her head face down in her desk, deep in thought. Lucas began pacing her office; he noticed his second novel on her shelf.

'Have you read it?' He asked, pointing at it.

'What? Oh, yes' She smiled 'its beautiful Luke'

'What do you think it's about?'

'A scientist and a comet, about how he saw it as a boy and waits the rest of his life to see it again.' She said, before summing it up. 'It's about hope.'

He shook his head. 'It's about you Peyton. You are my comet'

He walked up to her, and embraced her. She resisted at first but helplessly caved in and eventually rested her head on his shoulder, although she refused to make eye contact with him, instead she just stared at the floor.

He slowly raised her chin with his index finger and cupped her face in his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. He stared into her eyes, piercing them with his own blue eyes that she had never been able to resist.

'I love you Peyton, I really do' He slowly began to lean in and kissed her forehead. He kissed her again, inhaling her intoxicating body scent and slowly made his way down to her lips. She struggled at first but then began kissing him back, before she realised what she was doing...

'NO LUKE! You can't just kiss me and magic everything away!' She screamed at him, the tears running down her face again. 'You should go' She said heavily after a few moments thinking.

'Ok' He sighed, feeling defeated. 'I understand, if you don't love me anymore it doesn't matter, I just had to tell you the truth'

'Don't be ridiculous Luke' she scoffed. 'I'm assuming you saw what I wrote on the River Court?' He nodded shyly. 'Well then you will know that I love you just as much as I did four years ago, probably even more'

'I'm sorry' He said weakly, realising he shouldn't have said that. 'I know I don't deserve you back Peyton, I know I have no right to have said all this to you and confuse you. But one day you will look at me and see the man you saw four years ago, and one day you will be ready for us again. Will you? Will you ever be ready for us again?'

'I so want to say yes Lucas, you know that. But you hurt me. You hurt me so bad'

'I know, and all the apologies in the world cannot change that Peyton. But If you will let me I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. I once told you that however long it took I would wait for you. I didn't do it. I know you have no reason to believe this, but I will wait however long it takes for you to be ready for us again Peyton. I promise'

'I need time Luke.' He smiled at her, staring into her green eyes.

' I love you Peyton. I'm sorry it took so long for me to remember' He said.

'I love you too Lucas, I'll never stop loving you, I just don't know whether I will ever be able to trust you again' she murmured miserably. He looked at her one last time, a few solitary tears running down his cheeks.

'Goodbye Peyton' he croaked, making for the door, leaving her with bloodshot eyes and tears streaming down her face, and feeling more confused than ever.

**Hope you enjoyed? Read and Review, will update hopefully in a few days.**


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